The Ice Pirates (1984)

Starring - Robert Urich; Mary Crosby; Anjelica Huston; Ron Perlman & Michael D. Roberts Director - Stewart Raffill MPAA - PG Cheesy from the word go. But I enjoyed it. I have to say that The Ice Pirates holds a few memories for me. When I first saw it in a theater, oh so many years ago, it was the first movie that I had ever seen in a theater with any sort of sexually suggestive dialogue. It was quite the shock. It is also the very first movie I ever rented when I got my very first VCR. I didn't get it because it was so spectacular the first time around, but because it was Christmas and there wasn't a great selection in the video store. Watching this time, I was surprised at just how packed to the max with cheese this sucker really was; although that seems to be the intention of the filmmakers. I can't imagine that they ever expected anyone to take this film too seriously. The Ice Pirates is set in a distant galaxy where ongoing wars have depleted the galaxy of water. So the most precious commodity is ice, and the evil rulers of the galaxy control that. Robert Urich (yes, Spencer: For Hire) plays an ice pirate who makes his living hijacking transport ships filled with shipments of ice. His crew is a motley band of scoundrels including Anjelica Huston (yes, that Anjelica Huston). On one of these raids, Urich runs into a beautiful princess (Mary Crosby -- Bing's daughter). He ends up falling for her and the two of them go off looking for her father -- who has disappeared. This is a big simplification, but to be honest, in The Ice Pirates, I don't think plot was ever something that anyone was real concerned about. The movie is filled with every plot device, prop and cheesy special effect that can possibly be crammed into one film. All with seemingly the same purpose -- the specific intent of making this film as cheesy as possible. These range from the space herpe that infects the ice pirate's ship. To the high-speed effects which are used when the ship hits a time warp. I'm not even going to bother getting into the robots that populate this film. Actually commenting on the performances of this film seems pointless. Everyone in this movie seems to be giving 110% effort at making their performances as over the top as the possible as they can without actually breaking up laughing during a line of dialogue. Bad; bad; bad; but since that is what they were going for, they can be excused somewhat. If there were one compliment that I could give The Ice Pirates, it would be that nobody would ever confuse it for a good movie. But I still had fun watching it again. 5/10 Reviewed March 13, 1999 by Joe Chamberlain