Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)

Starring - Patrick Stewart; Jonathan Frakes; Brent Spiner; LeVar Burton & Michael Dorn Director - Jonathan Frakes MPAA - Rated PG for sci-fi action violence, mild language and sensuality. Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) and the rest of the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise are back for their third outing in the ninth film based on the 1960's series, Star Trek. Gone are Kirk, Spock and McCoy and in their wake in the very able and very talented cast from Star Trek: The Next Generation. As usual, a crisis is brewing and it is up to the crew of the Enterprise to make the galaxy safe again. This time out The United Federation of Planets and an alien race led by F. Murray Abraham are trying to move some colonists off a planet against the colonist's will. It turns out that this planet is the fountain of youth and the Federation and their alien buddies feel that is should be used for the good of everyone and not just a few hundred colonists. Of course Picard feels that this sort of treachery is wrong, so he disobeys direct orders and vows to help protect the colonists. Insurrection is a lighter movie than the last two Star Trek films. The film focuses on the lofty question of whether the rights of society as a whole outweigh the rights of a small group. In this respect it gets back to the roots of Star Trek by disguising social commentary as science fiction. It doesn't do a bad job, other than it tries to inject too much humor into the story line. Many of the jokes are your typical inside Star Trek-Fan-Only jokes, while many of the others just fall flat. The other criticism that I had with the story was that it ignores common sense. There are only a few hundred people on this whole planet, why do they have to be moved? The explanation is that the planet has to be bombarded with deadly radiation so that this fountain of youth effect will be strong enough to help heal F. Murray Abraham's aliens who number only a couple of dozen. So the basic story line is bad enough in that we have a few hundred being booted out for a few billion, at least that's plausible. But in reality we have a few hundred being moved for the benefits of a few dozen, which makes no sense whatsoever. The other little hiccup in logic is the inclusion of Worf (Michael Dorn), the trusty Klingon. Worf was on Star Trek: The Next Generation, so they want to include him in the films. No problem so far. Worf is now a character of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, so the writers have to find a way to have him show up. In the last Star Trek movie, First Contact, the included Worf in a credible fashion, in this one, the writers are so lazy that the completely gloss over why he is even in the movie. What little explanation they do give is so small that you would have missed it if you weren't hanging on every word on the screen. My minor problems with the movie aside, Star Trek: Insurrection does have an overwhelming number of good points as compared to its bad ones. While many of the jokes do miss the mark, many are pretty good, even for non-trekkies. The special effects are among the best for the Star Trek series. The action is plentiful and well done. This is a very good-looking movie. It should come as no surprise to anyone who ever watched Star Trek: The Next Generation that the acting is first rate. It is very obvious that these actors have been working together for over a decade. They interact with each other with a skill that few other ensemble casts can muster. Most Star Trek fans probably will not be disappointed with this latest film in the series. If you've always hated Star Trek, there is nothing here that is going to change your mind. Star trek: Insurrection is not the best film in the series, but it is good enough to dispel the long standing tradition of the odd numbered films in the series being far inferior to the even numbered ones. 7/10 Reviewed December 11, 1998 by Joe Chamberlain

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1997)

Starring - Renee Zellweger; Matthew McConaughey; Robert Jacks; Tonie Perensky & Joe Stevens Director - Kim Henkel MPAA - Rated R for demented mayhem and torture, and for strong language. There is a rule when it comes to movies. A sequel is never as good as the original. There are very few exceptions to this rule, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation is not one of them. Now if you also take into consideration that the original Chainsaw Massacre was a REALLY bad movie, and that this isn't even the first sequel to it, you have a recipe for a very painful viewing experience. Don't be fooled by the presence of up and coming talents Matthew McConaughey (A Time To Kill) and Renee Zellweger (Jerry Maguire). They made this movie before they were stars. Judging by their performances they also made it before they took any acting lessons. It's a wonder they ever worked in Hollywood again after appearing in this turkey. Apparently the producers of this film realized just how bad it was, because it sat unreleased for years until someone decided that they might be able to capitalize off the success of McConaughey and Zellweger. Apparently the two young stars were none too happy about this thing ever seeing the light of day. And I don't blame them, they would have been better off if this had been some sort of porno flick starring the two of them. Unfortunately for them it is a horror film in which Zellweger plays your typically stupid horror film character. While McConaughey plays a guy who wears a mechanical brace on his leg that he controls with a television remote control. (Hey, don't say I didn't warn you.) To make matters worse, Leatherface, the chainsaw wielding maniac, who was never the scariest of psychopathic killers at the best of times, has now become a full blown cross-dresser, and spends the entire movie in drag. There is a plot to this movie but it isn't worth mentioning. Let's just suffice to say that a group of teenagers are in the typical wrong place at the wrong time and are left to the mercy of remote control man (McConaughey) and his lipstick wearing chainsaw revving half-witted sidekick. Man, I can't get over just how bad this movie is. This film has absolutely no redeeming qualities. Even the obligatory topless babe shot wasn't enough to hold my interest for more than 2 seconds. The writing is bad, the direction is even worse, but both of those things look good in comparison to the acting. This is the sort of movie that they should make people in prison watch. A guarantee you, if criminals thought that they would be subjected to this film they would never break the law again. 1/10 - Bad; bad; bad. Reviewed November 17, 1998 by Joe Chamberlain

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

Starring - Mike Myers; Heather Graham; Michael York; Robert Wagner & Rob Lowe Director - Jay Roach MPAA - Rated PG-13 for sexual innuendo and crude humor. I'll have to say that I thought that Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me was better than the first one. Although, to the credit of the original, it seems to be getting funnier each time I see it. I'm guessing that this one might play the same way. Austin Powers (Mike Myers) is still adjusting to the 90's when something evil happens. Dr. Evil, that is. Evil (Mike Myers) and Mr. Bigglesworth (Evil's hairless cat) return to Earth from their cryogenic sleep chamber on board their Big Boy satellite. Evil now has a plan to stop Austin Powers for good. His right hand man, Number 2 (Robert Wagner) has had a time machine built for Dr. Evil. Evil plans to use it to return to the 1960's and steal Austin Powers' mojo. And he is taking along some help. While Dr. Evil was in cryogenic sleep, his henchmen have cloned him. His clone is not quite the perfect match -- he is only 1/3 Evil's size. But even with his short stature, Mini Me (Verne Troyer) is a force to be reckoned with. So Evil and Mini Me go back in time where they hook up with a much younger Number 2 (Rob Lowe) and steal the mojo with the help of a disgruntled Scotsman by the name of Fat Bastard (Mike Myers). Austin must then return to the '60's to retrieve his mojo with the help of '60's secret agent Felicity Shagwell (Heather Graham). I was very disappointed in the somewhat cheesy way that Elizabeth Hurley was dealt with in this movie. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be funny but it really didn't work for me. She had about two minutes of screen time and her scenes were pretty much the weakest points of the movie through no fault of her own. As in the first one, Dr. Evil steals the show, although, Fat Bastard is pretty good too. Felicity Shagwell comes a close second to the two evil Myers characters. Heather Graham is a very groovy, and a more than adequate replacement, for Hurley in both the looks and talent departments. Also, like the first one, Robert Wagner does a great job. As does Rob Lowe, playing Wagner's younger self. I wouldn't be surprised if this performance by Lowe resurrects his career. My sense is that fans of the old James Bond films will catch a few more of the jokes here than the rest of the audience. There are a lot of very subtle little things geared towards them that I really appreciated. Some of the humor, especially surrounding Fat Bastard, was downright disgusting. But I must admit that it was among the funniest in the film, and I laughed along with everyone else in the theater. At times I get the impression that Myers finds something that works and milks it a bit too much. The strategically placed object to disguise nudity worked really well in the first film. So instead of coming up with something more inventive, he based to whole opening sequence around the hidden nudity. It was funny, but just a bit of a cop-out in my opinion. Especially considering how much thought was put into the trailers spoofing the other movie of the summer of '99 -- The Phantom Menace. One sequence that I really enjoyed has a scene involving Dr. Evil's spaceship, which was in the shape of a part of the male anatomy. The descriptions used by people on the ground as they looked up at it flying through the sky were hilarious. Then of course, we have Mini Me (Vern Troyer), Dr. Evil's clone. He combined with Evil to come up with some great scenes. The interaction between Evil and his son Scott (Seth Green) also worked just as well in this film as it did in the original. As with the first, the writers played off the fact that Evil was just slightly behind on the progress that has been made during his 30 years of hibernation. But this time they added to it by having Evil screw up in the '60's by using '90's expressions with the 60's characters that he was trying to interact with. The movie was stolen by Myers playing Evil as he tried to be the hip villain but just usually ended up showing how square he really was. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged should easily rank as one of the funnier films of the year. The movie was groovy baby, yeah! 8/10 Reviewed June 28, 1999 by Joe Chamberlain

There's Something About Mary (1998)

Starring - Ben Stiller; Cameron Diaz; Matt Dillon; Lee Evans & Chris Elliott Director - Bobby Farrelly & Peter Farrelly MPAA - Rated R for strong comic sexual content and language. There's Something About Mary is, by far, the funniest movie that I have seen this year. It is also one of the funniest films that I have ever seen, period. A fair warning to all of you out there who are easily offended -- stay far away from this movie. Some of the scenes in this baby would make a sailor blush, although that same sailor would probably be falling off his seat laughing as he was watching. Mary centers on a one-time high school geek played by Ben Stiller who wants to be reunited with the girl of his high school dreams, Mary (Cameron Diaz). He enlists a sleazy investigator (Matt Dillon) to find her. This is the story of his adventures trying to woo the girl of his dream. That is a major simplification but if I told you any more, I'd have to kill you. All right, maybe just a little more -- Stiller sends Dillon down to Florida where Mary is now living to find out what her life is like. Specifically, he wants to know whether she is still single or not. When Dillon's character gets down there he falls hopelessly in love with Mary too. So it then becomes a contest between Stiller and Dillon as to who will win Mary's heart. (My guess is that they are going after that body too.) The jokes are nonstop in this film, and much of the comedy is on the slapstick side. I guarantee you that if you wait to watch this movie on network television you will miss the best scenes in the movie. They will surely edit out possibly the two funniest scenes ever put to film (namely Ben Stiller having a problem with his zipper and Cameron Diaz's hair gel). Every performance in this film was a great one. I've always though Diaz was great, but I've never been a huge fan of either Stiller or Dillon (all though his stock rose considerably after Wild Things). I have to say that after this film, I'm a fan of both actors. The physical comedy was choreographed perfectly and I really don't think that the writers could have fit one more funny moment into this film. It was simply great from start to finish. My advice -- There's Something About Mary should only be seen in its original uncut version. Any other way would ruin one of the funniest films you are likely to see in a long time. 9/10 Reviewed September 23, 1998 by Joe Chamberlain

As Good As It Gets (1997)

Starring - Jack Nicholson; Helen Hunt; Greg Kinnear; Cuba Gooding Jr. & Skeet Ulrich Director - James L. Brooks MPAA - Rated PG-13 on appeal for strong language, thematic elements, nudity and a beating. Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt both won Oscars for their performances in As Good As It Gets, and Greg Kinnear was nominated for his performance as well. For a movie that received such attention at the awards ceremonies, it was certainly a heck of a disappointment. As Good As It Gets was marketed as sort of a romantic comedy, but this movie was short on comedy and the romance was the pits. Nicholson plays an obsessive-compulsive writer who, to put it bluntly, is obnoxious. He falls in love with his waitress at the local restaurant (Helen Hunt), who just happens to have a gravely ill son. Throw in to the mix Nicholson's gay next door neighbor (Greg Kinnear), who Nicholson's character takes great delight in tormenting, and you have the basis for a movie that isn't that great. It's certainly not worthy of all the critical acclaim that it has received. But then again, what do critics know? Adding to the intricate plot twists of the movie (I'm being sarcastic here, just in case you missed it), Kinnear's character gets beaten up when he walks in on burglars. So by some miracle of modern cinematic genius, Kinnear, Hunt and Nicholson go off on some road trip so Kinnear's character can go beg his parents for money to tide him over until he recovers from his injuries. It sounds stranger than it actually is, but it really isn't significantly better. If it were anyone else other than Jack Nicholson playing the role of the obsessive-compulsive belligerent lead character, I will go out on a limb and say that this movie would have crashed and burned within the first ten minutes. But since it is Jack, no matter how unlikable the character is, you still have to begrudgingly be rooting for him. Nicholson injected enough humor into the part to prevent me from hating the character. As for Helen Hunt, I have no idea why she ever won an Oscar for her performance. Her acting abilities are not bad, but the character was so whiny that I kept wondering what the heck Nicholson's character saw in her. Next to Nicholson, Greg Kinnear gave the most solid performance in this film, although even he was also a little on the whiny side. Cuba Gooding Jr. should also be mentioned as one of Kinnear's gay friends. Cuba stole every scene he was in, including those that he shared with Nicholson -- no small feat. Aside From the good performances from Nicholson, Kinnear, and Gooding, there is really no other reason to recommend that people actually sit through As Good As It Gets. The love story isn't that compelling. I never cared if Nicholson and Hunt ever got together. On top of that, Nicholson mellowed far too quickly for my liking. At the first of the film he was just plain obnoxious, towards the end he was almost likable which seemed to be just a little too convenient for my tastes. As Good As It Gets ranks as one of the bigger disappointments in recent years. 6/10 - Based solely on the performances of Nicholson, Kinnear and Gooding. Reviewed February 18, 1999 by Joe Chamberlain

Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999)

Starring - Katie Holmes; Helen Mirren; Marisa Coughlan; Barry Watson & Liz Stauber Director - Kevin Williamson MPAA - Rated PG-13 for thematic content, violence, sexuality, language and some teen drinking. There was a time when I thought Kevin Williamson was pretty much invincible when it came to churning out quality material. I'm not sure if the man has just overextended himself, or he has reached the end of his brilliance. Either way, Teaching Mrs. Tingle marks the end of his current string of excellent movies that he has been responsible for writing. With Teaching Mrs. Tingle, Williamson takes on the role of director as well as his normal role of writer. It almost seems that the two jobs were just a bit too much for him. While his directorial debut is a competent, if unremarkable effort, the screenplay is, at best, just slightly above average. And at times it borders on bad. The story is a fairly ridiculous one, and the only thing that saves it is that the characters are pretty good. But the true reason that this movie doesn't die completely is the fine cast of actors that have managed to save this film. Katie Holmes plays Leigh Ann Watson, a very bright girl from an under privileged family. Her only hope of ever getting out of her small town is to become valedictorian of her high school graduating class. That way she can score a big scholarship, which will be her only ticket to university. Sound familiar to any of you? It should. This is almost the exact same character that Holmes plays on Dawson's Creek -- a character that Kevin Williamson created. I guess Kevin should get some credit for not ripping off somebody else's characters. At least he had the decency to rip off his own work. Anyway, Leigh Ann has one obstacle in her quest for her scholarship -- her history teacher, Mrs. Tingle (Helen Mirren). Tingle is like every bad teacher you've ever had all rolled into one. Tingle finds herself in the position to ruin Leigh Ann's plans to better herself; and seems to take a great deal of glee doing it. Actually, the reason that Tingle is going to ruin Leigh Ann is fairly legitimate, but Williamson is hoping that you will look past that minor inconvenience and just focus of the fact that Tingle is a first class bitch. So Leigh Ann and her two friends, Jo Lynn (Marisa Coughlan) and Luke (Barry Watson), decide to try to talk Tingle into giving dear sweet Leigh Ann a second chance. But in the end they end up holding her hostage in her own home. Unfortunately they aren't quite prepared for dealing with Mrs. Tingle. I'm not sure if this idiotic plot line was supposed to serve as the basis for some sort of dark comedy, but it didn't work for me. As dumb as the story was, I have to give Williamson credit for his characters. The interaction between Tingle and her young captors was excellent. It was just too bad that Williamson couldn't have found a better way of making this story happen besides this very lame impromptu kidnapping. While Katie Holmes and Barry Watson were the obvious audience draws in this film, the real star is Helen Mirren. This woman plays her character to the hilt. The best part of the movie was watching Mirren's Tingle play with her captor's minds. Everyone in this film is great. That also includes Michael McKean and Jeffrey Tambor in what amounted to glorified cameos. All were good, but all could have been better if they had had a bit more to work with. I never really got over the feeling that Holmes was just repeating a recycled script from Dawson's Creek. Williamson may have been doomed to fail on this movie. The film's release came around the same time as the Columbine High School shooting in Colorado -- prompting the producers to change the title of the film from Killing Mrs. Tingle to Teaching Mrs. Tingle. I'm sure that little marketing problem didn't help the film's chances at the box office. Then we have the fairly schizophrenic way in which this movie was directed. Parts of it almost seem to be played for pure comedy, while other parts are a failed attempt at the darker side of humor. Then we have the director himself. For an open homosexual, his direction certainly seemed to show a preoccupation with Katie Holmes' breasts. Not that I'm complaining, it just seemed a bit strange. (I guess if you have to be preoccupied with something; it might as well be Katie Holmes' chest.) High marks to the cast for keeping this sucker from going completely in the crapper. With most of the praise leveled squarely at Mirren. If she hadn't been so much fun to watch, I'm sure that I would have dozed off. Williamson's characters were good; it's just that the situation that he put them in took away from any positives that he brought to the table. My advice is to skip Teaching Mrs. Tingle and check out another of Williamson's far superior efforts. Keep an eye out for Holmes' future work. She hasn't found the right film yet, but when she does, I guarantee you it will be something to see. 6/10 Reviewed December 21, 1999 by Joe Chamberlain

Sudden Death (1995)

Starring - Jean-Claude Van Damme; Powers Boothe; Raymond J. Barry; Whittni Wright & Ross Malinger Director - Peter Hyams MPAA - Rated R for a substantial amount of strong violence, and for language. The Muscles from Brussels is back. This time good old Jean-Claude Van Damme plays a fire marshal who just happens to be assigned to check the arena for fire violations before an NHL playoff game. Now this normally would not be much of a basis for a movie. (Not even a Van Damme movie.) If you throw in the fact that the Vice President of the United States is going to be in attendance at this game, and then add a few terrorists to the whole mix, you may have the ingredients for a half decent little action thriller. Maybe. Powers Boothe plays Joshua Foss, a terrorist who decides that he wants a little cash. He figures the best way to do that is by taking over the private box that the Vice President is watching the game from by using men with big guns. Just to make sure he has everyone's attention he wires the whole arena with explosives. If anyone tries to get in or out of the arena, they are in for a little surprise. Now back to our hero. Well good old Jean-Claude's character, Darren McCord, has taken his two kids to see the game while he does whatever it is fire inspectors do during a hockey game. As bad timing would have it, he manages to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and it is up to him to single-handedly save everyone in the building, including the Vice President, assorted dignitaries and his two kids. The burning question here is -- Gee, will he manage to do it? Well, I'm pretty sure that you can take a wild stab at that one. Maybe I'm being a little hard on the plot line, but it deserves it. As original as this idea is, and to the writers credit it is an original idea, they just take it waaaay over the top here. I'm not going to give anything away but let's just say there is really no need of our intrepid fire marshal getting into hand to hand combat on the peak of the roof of the stadium. All right, I've made my cracks. If you can get by the total lack of believability in the plot you will find Jean-Claude giving one of his best performances to date. (Let's face it; if you enjoy this type of film you realize that in most cases plot is an afterthought at the best of times.) We still aren't talking a possible best actor nomination here, but his acting skills do seem to be getting better. Powers Boothe is great as the villain. While he is truly evil, somehow you have to like him. It's a shame Boothe isn't more widely recognized for his work, or for that matter given better roles, since he is always a lot if fun to watch on screen. I've got a few other beefs with this film. One of them is a subplot involving how Van Damme's character came to become a fire inspector. As a firefighter a child died as he was trying to save her, and he hasn't been the same since. I really don't know why this story line was included in the film. Perhaps it was to make him more sympathetic and make us root for him against the bad guys all that much harder. Although I was left asking why are they wasting my time on this crap? In the end I would say that I would probably recommend this film to Van Damme fans or to those who just love action flicks regardless of the questionable writing. To everyone else out there, I would have to say that there are better Van Damme films out there. If you are in the mood for the "one guy takes on a bunch of terrorists" theme -- rent the original Die Hard. 5/10 - Not bad, but not great. Reviewed February 18, 1998 by Joe Chamberlain

Goldeneye (1995)

Starring - Pierce Brosnan; Sean Bean; Izabella Scorupco; Famke Janssen & Joe Don Baker Director - Martin Campbell MPAA - Rated PG-13 for a number of sequences of action/violence, and for some sexuality. This latest film in the 007 series finds the actor Pierce Brosnan in the title role of the British secret agent. If a person were to compare Brosnan's portrayal of Bond to that of his predecessors, the most accurate description would be to say that Brosnan is a cross between Roger Moore and Sean Connery. Brosnan has the serious side that Connery brought to the character. Happily, the element of campy humor that was present when Moore played the Bond has returned. This is a welcome change from Timothy Dalton's brooding incarnation in the previous two movies. The premise of Goldeneye is simple. The Goldeneye is a killer satellite left over from the cold war era that gets stolen by the usual collection of villains that are always present in a good Bond flick. This includes one of the most original "Bond girls" in a long while, played by the beautiful Famke Janssen. Her outstanding trait is her ability to kill men using her thighs. (Enough said) And while on the subject of female cast members, British actress Judi Dench has taken over the role of "M", Bond's boss. As with all Bond films, Goldeneye has its fair share of nifty spy gadgets and car chases (and tank chases), enough to satisfy this James Bond fan anyway. Unlike the previous Bond outing, this one never leaves you with the feeling that the writers were struggling with the script. All in all a solid value for your entertainment buck, and probably reason that producers have signed Brosnan to star in the next bond film. Bond fans will love this movie, and even folks who don't normally like James Bond films are bound to have a good time as well. 8/10 - Lots of fun. Reviewed September 10, 1997 by Joe Chamberlain